Not Quite Completed
- Julianne Cowart
- Jun 5
- 4 min read
"Come May, what do I want to be true?"
These are the words I wrote in the first page of my journal on September 5, 2024 as I sat in the BWI Airport, waiting for my flight to Florida. I felt waves of emotions then, as I do now. As I've adjusted to life back in America, I've tried to have grace with myself in the same way I did through every cultural adjustment this year. Going to Chipotle and Chickfil-A again was the BEST. Feeling the absence of my team hurt. The size of grocery stores and products was overwhelming. Not remembering where to find my things was frustrating. In every emotion, God is there is for me.
So, "Come May, what do I want to be true?" Let me tell you:
1. I want to learn and see the Father's heart better
Wow. When I think back on my year- this prayer was answered in bigger ways than I ever hoped. Here's an excerpt from my journal from January 31, 2025:
"God's love and care for me is tender and compassionate. His presence; and knowing he sees, knows, likes, and loves me brings security. I am a beloved daughter. What a miracle. What a blessing. He shows me compassion to teach me to do the same. The heart of God is so tender. Abba is fond of me. My father is pleased with me, proud of me. My gratitude and praise- no matter how choppy or feeble, makes him smile. Abba is proud of me."
God broke through the walls of my heart this year- especially in Thailand- to rewrite my identity as His Daughter, first and foremost. The word beloved was constantly on my mind, heart, and sometimes written on my arm while I considered what it meant for God to truly love me.
2. I want to learn how to live in and foster community- even despite challenges
My team made this one easy :) God answered all of our prayers when he gave us each other. I wrote "despite challenges" as part of my goal; however in reflection, I believe that the majority of our "challenges" weren't us pitted against each other. It was us versus each challenge. When one of us were struggling, we all were. When someone was believing lies about their identity and worth, we spoke truth over them. I think this is what Paul was referring to when he said, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).
Additionally, we formed a family in each country we lived in. The biggest part of learning how to be in community with people different than me was learning how to be humble and hold things loosely. For example, I value the culture of planning and organization that I grew up in. In Thailand, many things are last minute and seemed 'thrown together' from my perspective. At first, this was frustrating and took energy for me to wrestle with my expectations and the disappointment of them not being met. As I built relationships with the people and settled into their pace of life, I found there is no 'better' way of doing things. I let go of the need to be right. I let go of the need to have my way. I started observing differences and holding my preferences loosely because after all, I had moved into their culture. Why should I ever expect things to change so I can have my way?
3. I want to grow as a person and believer
If you asked me about any particular week from this year, I'd probably be able to tell you something that I was learning at the time. There was no shortage of growth, learning, and exploration in both my personal development and walk with God. If you've been following this blog, you've likely read about several of the ways I was growing and learning.
Returning home felt strange at times because while everything around me is seemingly unchanged from the town I've always known, I don't feel the same. I see things differently now. I observe more. I prioritize different things.
4. I want to learn how to trust God in ALL things- the big and small
Surrender. This word sums up my entire experience with this gap year. From the very beginning to today, I've been learning to surrender. Through the challenging days, sickness, spiritual warfare, fatigue, homesickness, mundane moments, victories, and celebrations, God has been my rock and fortress. I started each day with a posture of, "I need you, Lord," surrendering my needs, problems, desires, and ministry to him. In the song "I'll Give Thanks" by Housefires, they sing, "Why do I worry? God knows what I need." No amount of worrying will give me control over things. After all, God's plan for me is greater than anything I could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20), and He's shown me the sweetness that comes with placing my trust in His way.
At the end of my first journal entry, I wrote this verse:
"And I am convinced, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." -Philippians 1:6
God is doing a good work in me, and I'm not quite completed yet. My mission isn't completed either- this is just the beginning. I'm so grateful that you cared enough to support me and following along with my journey. God used this year to reach people's hearts all over the world, but he also touched mine. So thank you :) I'll never have enough words to express my gratitude or the ways that God has transformed my life because of these past 9 months.
GOD IS GOOD!
With thanksgiving,
Julianne Cowart
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